I do not know what of those with decisiveness
I envy without rival.
To truly know something, anything,
is everything.
For with such fervent knowledge comes the sort of acceptance
which belies truth:
To act, and to act without doubt,
the sheer relief of not having to consider
anything at all.
For my mind races every day
and every moment and with every decision–
wrong, right, true, false–
good for the world,
or just for me?
And too prideful am I to adopt ignorance for such conviction,
to accept blindly the decisions of others.
I am prideful and aware.
I see the risk associated with believing anything at all.
"What if I am wrong?"
This single question permeates my existence.
And while it seems one born of doubt
it is also one of possibility,
of consideration and reflection,
of thought and wonder,
and of inaction.
Belief and judgement are inextricably linked,
for judgment is expanded through curiosity,
tempered through action and experience.
Good judgment takes both, and I envy the experience
of those who act,
for mine is malleable, prone to change,
too whimsical to be trusted, even by my self.
So, like any such person who knows he knows little,
I wonder what it is to know–
to feel knowing–
and I direly fear to sacrifice
my ever-ambiguous righteousness
in any given moment.
I suppose there is a fine line between envy and admiration.
I aspire to be like those with true conviction.
To act and write one's will into existence.
To do what you say,
and make even the skeptics dare believe.
So what will it take then?
I wonder still.
Must I know something to act?
Must I act to know something?
Either way, I stake my pride on being right
and fecklessness takes me.
- Taber
Comments